By Kathy Beckwith, author and educator, Oregon

[These ideas were first shared by the author as a TED Talks program, at TEDxMcMinnville, Oregon, and we are now pleased to publish it for the benefit of Skipping Stones readers.  —Editors]

I grew up on a hog farm in western Oregon. I had my own pig. She was my 4-H project. But it was more fun to play in the woods with my brothers and sisters than train a pig, so she never got really tame. In spite of my lack of pig training skills, I still reaped the benefits of growing up on that hog farm—learning to swim in an irrigation pond, eating garbage that was collected for the pigs. Just kidding, well, sort of. What we ate were the “trimmings” from grocery stores, discarded produce that had begun to fade, that my dad had picked up on his route around town, gathering scraps to feed the hogs. So we ate artichokes, oranges, bananas, pomegranates—things too good to feed hogs that we wouldn’t get otherwise.

I never wondered if this was normal, but I don’t remember ever telling other kids at school about sharing the pigs’ trimmings. So maybe, it wasn’t totally normal, after all. I have not lost two minutes of sleep over the question of trimmings being normal

But there is something big, now, that we take as normal, that at times makes me cry from the cruelty of it, and other times makes me cry out against the injustice and the horrid destruction because of it. I’ve been learning more about how it comes to be considered normal.

Have you heard of the Green Frog in the lima bean pot? Green Frog hops into the pot where the lima beans are soaking overnight—in cold water—but in the morning, when the fire is lit in the cook stove under the pot, and the water starts to get hot, so does Green Frog—unaware. Because it’s his nature to adapt his body temperature to his surroundings. Sometime before boiling, Green Frog has to be startled into leaping from danger, or risk getting cooked.

It seems to me, that when considering war, many of us are quite like Green Frog. We’ve been adapting to our surroundings, to a culture that treats war as normal, and it’s getting hot.

I propose three things for your consideration:

• War is not normal…
• It is time to abandon war… and
• It can be done.

Yet we do things ourselves that normalize war. We let assumptions take hold in our minds. Have you heard these?

• War is inevitable. Things will never change.

Inevitable? Conflict is inevitable; but war is a choice, a decision that is made about how to respond to a conflict.

Things will never change? Dueling, to the death, was seen as an honorable way for gentlemen, including a man who became a U.S. President, to settle a rumor. Women, vote?! Ha! Things change!

There are other reasons we adapt to the “war is normal” lima bean pot.

• Fear sells war, and we’re sold fear.
• Carefully chosen words and PR (Public Relations) campaigns market wars such as
  “Rolling Thunder”, “Shock and Awe”, and “Operation Enduring Freedom.”
• Kids watch the parades and ceremonies from toddler days on. They play with war toys bought for them, and—when older—with video games simulating war, normalizing war.
• And then we put war in its own category and don’t challenge it like we would other things. If neighborhood problems were handled with the violence of war, we’d name it tragic, criminal—not heroic. If hometown parades included execution equipment from prisons past and present—electric chairs, firing squads, lethal injection kits—we’d say, “What in the world were they thinking, putting that stuff in a parade our kids watch?” But execution equipment of war—tanks…? “Wow!” If we heard teenagers down the street calling out the chants used in military training: “What makes the grass grow? Blood makes the grass grow. Who makes the blood flow? We do, we do. Blood, Blood, Blood!” … and “Kill, Kill!”—we’d call 9-1-1 for help. Never would we condone the “normals” of war in our communities!

But perhaps most normalizing of all, is the assumption that even though no one wants war, sometimes it’s necessary to protect human rights and our freedoms; that without war, we’d lose our freedom. The problem is, rarely do we finish that sentence. Our freedom to do what, exactly? What freedoms have our wars actually protected? Freedom to take land we wanted? To protect business investments in other countries?… To opt for war instead of using alternatives, over and over again. Our history is bleak, and sad. How many of us grow up believing that the horrendous killing and maiming of the American Civil War was necessary to get rid of slavery? We don’t learn to ask, “Why didn’t we join the rest of the world in eliminating slavery through moral and legal persuasion, instead of turning to war?” The more we learn about alternatives that were possible but not taken, the harder it is to accept war.

But wait. What about Hitler? I have been asked that question so many times, and heard Hitler used as justification for U.S. military acts so many times, that I’ve begun to wonder if maybe Hitler won the war, after all. Wasn’t he the one who believed that power and violence should be combined to reach one’s goals? That philosophy seems to have caught on.

When we discuss Hitler, let’s make sure we ask, and answer, because the answers are here, “What could have been done before and during Hitler’s rise to power that would have changed the course of that history? What could have been done to prevent Hitler’s brutality from being condoned?”

Never should we grant Hitler—or anyone—power over us to keep us from choosing alternatives that are wise, effective, humane, and that honor life and our precious Earth.

But are there alternatives that really work? That’s the good news! Alternatives abound. Education. Diplomacy. Negotiation, mediation, arbitration. Economic justice, crisis response teams, peace commissions—all are effective alternatives to war.

A more democratic United Nations could be used to advise wisely, instead of us bartering with its members to do our will.

Universities around the world have programs in international conflict resolution, and specialists ready to facilitate peace-making, as do religious and secular organizations, and the United States Institute of Peace.

People find ways! Women from Liberia barricaded men inside a hotel, preventing them from leaving until they got serious about negotiating the end to war.

Bulgaria was ordered by Hitler to ship the country’s Jews by rail to the death camps. The first group of 9,000 Jews were assembled at the railway station, in barbed wire fences, awaiting final orders for loading onto the trains. Members of parliament, students, and others from all walks of life, joined the clergy there, who said they would lie down on the tracks; these people must not be taken away. Those ready to give the orders, instead told the Jews to take their bags and go back home.

President Truman and the United States Air Force responded to the Soviet Union’s full blockade of West Berlin in 1948, not with a return to war or the threat of war, but with an airlift of supplies dropped into the city for months, until the Soviets recognized the futility of their actions.

The research of Maria Stephan and Erica Chenoweth (TEDxBoulder) presents us with dramatic truths: nonviolent civil resistance works, it works better than violence, and it more often results in democratic systems in place after the resistance. There is no excuse for saying war is necessary.

So what can WE do, personally, to help bring about the end of war?

We can question. We can ask, “What alternatives are possible in this situation?” Question what role U.S. military bases around the world, our weapons sales, military spending, our rhetoric—what role do these things play in perpetuating war. Question why the U.S. government insists on spending a trillion dollars to modernize nuclear weapons of unimaginable destruction, designed for the mass murder of populations, when so many nations are calling for them to be dismantled.

Question. And assign ourselves a history lesson: Learn about wars, and what they do to real people, including survivors, and soldiers who actually fight on the ground. So much of war, for so many of us, happens someplace else.

We can learn about alternatives, including nonviolent civil resistance, and teach that history to children and teens. We can teach kids how to mediate conflicts for each other at school, and bring that training home and into their future lives. We can hold family meetings, so kids grow up knowing how to facilitate a meeting and brainstorm solutions. We can encourage youth to explore service in the Peace Corps, or take six months (or more) to volunteer somewhere around the world, because their work and experiences in different cultures will make a difference. Prevention costs a fraction of military action. And as they help others, they will surely grow in compassion and understanding.

We can stop feeling powerless and join others to share ideas and take action. We can stop honoring war and honor its opposite: “creative problem-solving.”

And if we wish, we can point out how mules cooperate—to swat flies.

I was walking on our road and glanced into the field where our mules…(video) were standing rump to head, swishing their tails, brushing the flies off each other’s faces. I ran home, grabbed my camera, and when my husband got home, I told him, “Your mules are amazing.” “Yep, they are,” he said, “but they do that all the time. It’s normal!”

Well, if mules can normalize cooperation, people can too.

In January 1929, the US Senate advised ratification and President Coolidge signed into law the Kellogg Briand Pact outlawing the use of war as a means of resolving conflict. Millions and millions of Americans said we are ready for the end of war. They raised such a voice that those in government had to listen, and join the effort, and make it the law of the land—it’s still the law of the land—a law that we can reclaim, if we will seek out and use alternatives to war.

We’re lucky to have three awesome and exceedingly fun grandkids. I love them dearly. I want the best for these precious kids. Down deep I think we know what’s normal, what we come home to—the longing we all have, to give the children the very best we can. They don’t need to inherit our messes. War is a monstrous mess. It has been normalized, but it’s not the way, and we don’t have to accept it.

We can abandon war. There are alternatives. I extend to each one of you a personal invitation, and permission, to help make that happen.

About the Author:
Kathy Beckwith is a school mediation trainer from Dayton, Oregon. She also volunteers as a mediation coach. She is author of PLAYING WAR: A Story About Changing the Game (winner, 2006 Skipping Stones Honor Award); A MIGHTY CASE AGAINST WAR: What America Missed in U.S. History Class and What We (All) Can Do Now; and other books on problem-solving. Her latest work is a young adult novel, ENCOUNTER: When Religions Become Classmates—From Oregon to India and Back (winner, 2022 Skipping Stones Honor Award). She lives on a small farm with her husband (and his mules) and loves picking wild blackberries for summertime pies. She can be reached via her website at www.kathybeckwith.com. Kathy’s TEDx Talk can be accessed online here.

By Satish Kumar, Editor Emeritus, Resurgence

Satish Kumar, Editor Emeritus, Resurgence. Photo by: Daniel Elkan

“I have decided to stick to love; hatred is too great a burden to bear.” 

– Martin Luther King Jr.

Love is all very well, but can we love Vladimir Putin?

I am often asked this question, and I always give the same response, which is to say we must love Putin in order to transform him and save millions of innocent lives. Only love, I tell people, has the power to transform Putin. 

The Sufi poet Rumi wrote:

By love the bitter becomes sweet, 
By love copper becomes gold, 
By love pain becomes healing. 
And to this, I would add:
By love enemies become friends. 

This, then, is the true potential in the alchemy of love and in adopting love as a verb.

Wars and weapons can kill, but they cannot transform. And, of course, before one can kill some ‘undesirable’ person, one might kill thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of innocent people. In wars, millions are made homeless and become refugees. Schools, hospitals and homes are destroyed. Roads, railways and historic buildings are decimated. The price of food and fuel goes up. And it is those living in poverty who will suffer the most. In modern military operations, it is impossible to avoid civilian casualties.

Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden were killed, but before they died how many ordinary men, women and children lost their homes or their lives? How many soldiers on both sides were killed, wounded or forever traumatised? And after all the deaths and destruction, what was achieved? Nothing! Afghanistan is still ruled by the Taliban, and Iraq is still in chaos. If the greatest military power in the world, the United States, could not win a war after 20 years of fighting in Afghanistan, what hope is there for either side to win the current war in Ukraine?

If there is a lesson to be learned from the experience of recent wars such as those in Vietnam, Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan, then the lesson is simple and clear: wars are not only futile, but they are also obsolete; they neither transform tyrants nor accomplish peace. 

Nations have waged wars and practised hatred for hundreds of years and have failed miserably in their stated goals. The UK tried to conquer Afghanistan but failed, Russia tried to rule Afghanistan but failed, America tried to establish a friendly government in Afghanistan by military means but it too failed.

So now let them all try love. 

It is easy to love someone who is reasonable and agreeable, who is good and gracious. But to love someone who behaves in a narrow-minded, arrogant and selfish way requires real courage and strength. Making peace with Putin would be a sign of strength, not of weakness.

We need to understand that those who behave badly do so because they have not themselves been loved. The poet W.H. Auden wrote, “Those to whom evil is done do evil in return.” 

The path of love is taken by the brave and not by the faint-hearted. The real test of love is to love your enemy. Love conquers all. Amor vincit omnia. 

War prolongs conflict, but love resolves conflict. Love is as logical as it is magical. Love makes miracles. 

History is full of violent systems: slavery, apartheid, sexism, Nazism, colonialism, casteism and many more unpleasant ‘isms’. Some people think that communism is evil. Others think that capitalism is evil. And if we always take the path of confrontation and opposition in order to overcome these undesirable systems and to defeat our opponents by war, we are simply pouring fuel on the fire and then hoping to extinguish it.

Wise leaders have often proclaimed that the ends cannot justify the means. Noble ends must be pursued and accomplished by noble means – which include love and nonviolent resistance. There is no way to peace: peace is the way.

Mahatma Gandhi is believed to have said, “There are many causes I would die for. There is not a single cause I would kill for.”

We have witnessed the success of nonviolent resistance. Gandhi and the Indian struggle for independence, Martin Luther King and the peaceful campaign against racism in America, Nelson Mandela and the anti-apartheid movement, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. These are some utterly inspiring examples of nonviolent action founded on love. These movements brought about a change of heart leading to a change of regime. These movements were founded on the humility of hearts, on generosity of spirit and on an unconditional love for humanity. 

Love is letting go of ego and arrogance. To love is to accept the multiplicity of systems and the diversity of truths. Love is to live and let live. Love and selfishness do not go together. Love celebrates unity, ego imposes uniformity. Love embraces diversity; ego causes division. Love lets a thousand flowers bloom; ego wants a monoculture. Ego is driven by self-interest, love looks for common interest. Ego seeks separation, love likes relationship. Ego engages in self-seeking, love seeks mutuality and reciprocity. Ego leads to war, love leads to peace. Ego creates contradiction, love creates conciliation.

If we want peace, prosperity and happiness, then love should be a way of life for all of us. It is through love that we find meaning in our lives. The art of love needs to be learned and practised every day. As we nourish our bodies with food every day, so we can nourish our souls with love every day. Love is food for the soul. Love is the essence of life: love of ourselves, love of each other, love of people and love of Nature. No one, not even Putin, is our enemy. I would say the same thing to Putin: Ukrainians are not your enemies, Europeans and Americans are not your enemies. Only through friendship can the whole of humanity protect its common interests. 

Wars cause climate catastrophe. The production of weapons, the constant flying of military planes and the use of other military vehicles, including tanks, require huge amounts of fossil fuel. After the war is over, further fossil fuels are needed to rebuild destroyed buildings and damaged infrastructure. In war people suffer and Nature suffers. In war no one wins and everyone loses.  

War leaders sit comfortably in the Kremlin or in the White House. Soldiers suffer. Society suffers. War is pointless. War is unnecessary. War is uncivilised. War is hell. War is out of date. There is no other act as bitter, as traumatic and as stupid as war. War is immoral and irrational, whoever initiates it. 

Ukrainians blame Putin, Putin blames Ukrainians. But love takes us beyond this blame game. It takes two to fight a war and it takes two to make peace. But politicians of all persuasions seem to have lost the art of making peace. They seem to have forgotten the statesmanship, the statecraft and the craft of true diplomacy that are always rooted in deep love.

Nations know how to conquer the moon. They know how to destroy our precious planet Earth with nuclear weapons, not once but a hundred times over. But the presidents and prime ministers of Europe, the US and Ukraine don’t seem to know how to talk with Putin and help him see the futility of war and inspire him to seek peace! Nor does Putin seem to know how to befriend his neighbours like the Ukrainians and make them feel safe. What is the point of all this progress, what is the benefit of all this education and all the scientific achievements if the graduates of Oxford and Cambridge, Harvard  and Yale, Moscow and Beijing don’t know how to establish harmony among nations and peace among people?

Politics without wisdom is a very dangerous thing, and sadly, politicians do not know how to be true statesmen, ambassadors do not know how to be true diplomats, and religious leaders do not know how to practise love as a verb. Governments of all colours spend billions and trillions of dollars, roubles and euros in preparation for war while many of their citizens are homeless, jobless and hungry, living on food provided by food banks. 

I am a pacifist and a peacemaker. I do not excuse Putin for attacking Ukraine. But I want Ukraine and the supporters of Ukraine, as well as the Russians and their supporters, to rise above their narrow national interests and seek the common interest of the whole of humanity.

Love safeguards the interests of everyone. 

The consequences of wars are so tragic that we need to avoid them in all circumstances. Like the medical profession, politicians need to take an oath to do no harm. No harm to self, no harm to other human beings and no harm to Nature. If such an oath were to become an integral part of international law, Putin could not attack Ukraine. The USA could not attack Iraq. 

Hugely militarised nations live in constant fear and insecurity, forgetting that true security resides in trust, not tanks. Only the power of love can free them from fear of the other. 

When wars become unpopular, leaders are compelled to negotiate and compromise. Neither side gets their way. Both sides are forced to find a mutually acceptable solution. Why could they not do this in the first place? Why not find a negotiated agreement instead of all the deaths and destruction?  Peace is common sense, but conflicts and common sense don’t go together. Unfortunately, common sense is no longer so common!

If we harbour hatred for Putin in our hearts, we are victims of our own hatred. Therefore let us choose love in place of hatred. Hatred is not good for us. Our true self-interest and our true security are both embedded in love, not in hatred. This is tough love. I call it Radical Love. I know I am being an idealist, but the way of the pragmatists is causing chaos. So why not give idealism a chance? 

So yes, we need to love Putin, and we can love Putin. If we loved Putin, he would have no excuse to go to war. Love is unconditional, unlimited and abundant. Love is for all. Let us bring a monsoon of love to Moscow and soften the dry soul of Putin.

My message to Putin is the same:  Stop war and try love.

And my message to Europeans and Americans is the same:  Stop adding fuel to fire.

It is time to bring the rain of love, forgiveness and peace to the fire of war in Ukraine—a war that should never have been started. 

—Satish Kumar is the recipient of the Goi Peace Award 2022. His new book, Radical Love, is published by Parallax Press and is available now from www.resurgence.org/shop

This article was first published in Resurgence & Ecologist Issue 337, March/April 2023. Used with permission. All rights to this article are reserved to The Resurgence Trust. To buy a copy of the Resurgence magazine, read further articles or find out about the Trust, visit www.resurgence.org